Yesterday, I went and got my hair done (which was luxurious) and on my way home I ended up in a weird sort of subway option. I took what ended up being an airport express train and got to my transfer station much quicker. However, the fast train deposited me in the basement of a huge subway station named Seoul Station. So I'm wandering around the basement trying to figure out where I am and in a slightly frustrated state. The frustration levels only continued to rise as it took me almost 20 minutes to figure out where I was only to find the escalators overloaded with people and so I decided to take the long concrete stairs. Which were quite full as well but did not have a wait to get on.
I walked over to the stairs and noticed they were a bit icy and distinctly remember thinking in my head, "don't fall." I even purposely pushed my way to the edge so I could hold the hand rail. So I'm walking along and my big feet on small Korean stairs just didn't work well enough because I start to slide down. I tried in vain to grab for the hand rail I was holding but it didn't work and I landed flat on my bum and slid down a few stairs. In embarrassment, I gave a little laugh and stood up quickly. I took about two more steps and hit another icy patch and slid again. this time it was a much better fall as i went down about two stairs and managed to almost take a Korean with me. I stood up much less quickly this time as I could feel where my back had hit and was feeling a little sick from the fall.
But of course, I still laughed. I mean when someone falls it's pretty much always laughable. And this was twice in a row and I'm a foreigner which immediately draws attention on me. Not one other person laughed. I didn't hear any chuckles from any of the Koreans. I also didn't hear any, "are you okays." It was like they saw what happened, put it in their memory, and moved on. It was so disappointing. Worse than the pain in my back was the knowledge that Koreans don't find falls humorous or a reason to help others.
This morning, I feel that fall. My back is pretty black and blue and a bit swollen too. But I'm still chuckling a bit at the absurdity of it all. And I sincerely hope that someone else could at least smile at my story.
Warning: I lied. This does indeed have a parallel to it BUT I really want someone out there to just laugh with me first.
This week I've been feeling like i've taken a couple blows. My computer crashed and just when I'd come up with a solution for that, my credit card wouldn't work here. Then I had been so excited to get my hair done and just when I finally decided to make the appointment, I used my bank account to buy a computer and had less than .$50 in my bank accounts.
And that's not even counting what happened before coming here. I used up all of my savings (which I had managed to save despite a 300$ a month paycheck) only to have to pay key money and rent up front and again have no money. I put clothes on a credit card incurring my first ever debt only to lose so much weight in my first month few fit any more.
And on an on it goes.
Sometimes I feel like I take this big fall which hurts but not too bad and I can bounce right back from it. And then just as soon as I've bounced back from it, I take another fall. And that fall always seems to hurt worse and I recover much slower from it.
And there have been a lot of times I've considered just sitting there after the first fall. And somehow God kicks me in the bum and I jump up quick. But then I fall again and I can't help but wonder what the heck God is doing. I mean i already stood up God. I stood up and I kept walking and I didn't even complain that much. And then I get shoved right back down and God tells me to stand up again. Sometimes I just want to look at God put my hands out and stare him down until he magically picks me up!
But I get up again. Or maybe God magically picks me up and I don't realize it.
And I'm going to keep getting up. I'm going to keep letting God pick me up. And I'm gonna walk down those same steps again because I know it's the path God's got me on and no matter how many falls there are, I'll take each one if it means that I'm in some way following God's plan for me.
So my message: Embrace your falls. Each and every one. And no matter the pain, heartache, confusion, or disillusionment stand up again and keep walking. Because God's in there somewhere and he's going to have a hot pack and some advil at the next stop ;)
Amen!... good rythms!
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