Korean Culture 101

After being in South Korea for slightly over 2 weeks, I firmly believe I have experienced the majority of cultural changes I will deal with in the next year and I thought I'd give everyone out there a lesson in Korean culture.

LESSON 1: Korean Subways

1. If a Korean is running, you should also run. If you don't run, you will miss the next train.

2. When the subway doors open, push and shove until you are on the train. Do NOT wait for anyone to exit the train.

3. Remember exit numbers. It's not as easy as remembering it's Seoul Station. As when you arrive you have to sort through 10 different exits to find the one to Lotte Mart.

4. Random men run through all the Subway cars collecting newspapers, if you get in their way they will yell at you in Korean.

5. Random beggars put paper on your leg (written in Korean) if you touch said paper, you will be obligated to pay. Instead, leave said paper on your knee and do not move until beggar person recollects the paper.

LESSON 2: Taxis

1. When handing your address to a Korean Taxi Driver, expect them to not recognize it and then ask you for directions...in Korean.

2. If you think a Taxi driver has asked you what Korean words you know, you're an idiot. And he will call you an idiot when you start saying all these words randomly to him.

3. If you are trying to direct a Korean taxi driver, just stop.

LESSON 3: Walking

1. When walking in Korea, expect to be photographed randomly. These photographs are most likely to happen when you are in your pajamas, with wet hair, hijacking internet.

2. There is no left side/right side to walking in Korea. Instead you play chicken with everyone walking by. Usually, I lose.

3. If a Korean sees you reading your ipad. They will ask you about it. They will want to touch it. They will try to hold it. They will ask if they can have it. You quickly learn to ignore them.

4. If you say a foreigner walk by, greet them with a smile, head nod, and even maybe a hello. They will ignore you, unless it's me and I will probably be so overwhelmed that a foreigner was finally nice, I will hug you.

LESSON 4: Food

1. Rice. Rice. Rice.

2. Purple Rice. White Rice. Yellow Rice. Brown Rice. White Rice with yellow specks. Greenish Rice.

3. Do not let people think you're a vegetarian. If this happens, try to nicely correct them, but most likely it won't work.

4. Expect mounds of seaweed at every lunch. Learn to hide seaweed quickly to appease the lunch lady.

5. Spicy. Spicy. Spicy.

6. McDonalds breakfast is great and a meal is less than 4$.

7. McDonalds dinner is great and a meal is less than 4$.

8. Burger King lunch is great and a meal is less than 4$.

LESSON 5: Koreans

1. Koreans are not bred with hips, breast, or butts. Do not expect them to understand that Americans are.

2. Koreans are not bred with large feet. Do not expect to find women's slippers that fit.

3. Korean men are skinny. Do not expect to see a nice butt.

4. Wearing shorts in the winter is perfectly acceptable as long as you also wear some sort of tights or pantyhose. Do not expect to keep your legs from frostbite.

5. Do not show cleavage. Or wait, is that because it doesn't exist?

LESSON 6: Education

1. Education is important.

2. Kids will go to school from 8am to 10pm. Do not worry, they are at least smart.

3. 2 year olds are in school, all day, expected to be learning.

4. Children are not children.

5. Parents of 5 year olds will say the English classes are too easy. They do not realize their child does not sit still and listen ever.

6. You are the schools token foreigner, expect to fulfill that role often. Expect at every party to have to take a photo with every kid--even the crying ones--to send home. After all you're a foreigner.

LESSON 7: Miscellaneous

1. Koreans spit.

2. You will always be laughed at when you speak in Korean, but still do it.

3. Foreigners have a bad reputation and unfortunately you're one of them.

4. Most guys that talk to you are hoping you are a quick lay. Especially if they are a foreigner or African.

5. It is perfectly acceptable (or is it?) for 30 and 40 year old foreigner men to act like 19 year old college students.

6. Be optimistic. Most foreigners will tell you all sorts of bad stories. Know that God is bigger than that.



I'm sure there are a million more things I could write about in regards to Kroean culture and perhaps one day I'll share more. But for now, I leave you with these to study so that when you come to visit me in Korea you will be prepared :).